Attending Britmums Live last week was a fantastic experience for me. It has boosted my confidence and made me determined to make more of my writing on this blog and to share more of my experiences of life.
It showed me how far I have come since giving birth on Christmas Day to my gorgeous little man. I was so riddled with anxiety that the first 3 months of his life passed in a stomach knotting, stressy ball. I plan to speak more about that in future blogs, as I just couldn’t at the time, but for now I want to share something which to me illustrates how I was back then against how I am now.
I grabbed a pretty(ish) looking notepad to take to Britmums with me; knowing that many of the other mummies would have stonking stationery (don’t we all love a bit of stationery!) I didn’t really look in the pad until I opened it for the first session on the Friday.
The first 10 pages or so were from a japanese course that I did when I was at uni in 1998! The next 12 pages were a blow by blow account of my baby’s activities. The first 6 from January when I was desperately clinging to my old managing systems for life, where I tried to organise everything and the second 6 from later in the year when I was logging the activities to see if a pattern emerged.
I was so caught up in trying to get Baby A to sleep when I wanted him to and worrying that we was feeding 25 times a day (never as it turned out from high tec monitoring system I devised…it just seemed that way) that I noted everything down… when really I should have been in bed with Baby A, just getting to know each other and feeding 25 times a day if that’s what it took!
Now, I don’t even really look at the time to see when he last slept, I just know when he is tired, trusting my instinct a little bit more and hoping that he will set the pace for his amazing little life.
The notepad is now full of ideas for blogs and changes to my writing and I am going to put it on a little shelf for the next time I need a notepad, it’ll be quite a collection of thoughts for someone to read one day.
Just as a final note – why would I need to learn the following phrase “Watashi wa irigisu jin dewa arimasen” – this translates as No I am not English… were they training us to be undercover spies or something?